Abusive People – The Icky Feeling of Interacting With People Who Batter

Most everyone has had an encounter with someone who leaves you feeling icky. These interactions are usually loaded with pitfalls, bullying and dead-ends. You want to run. You feel your body taking you out of the encounter and your spirit goes numb. In the moment you may not even realize how toxic the exchange is, until it is over.And then, you find yourself hearing, seeing and feeling each blow one-by-one. The way it lives in your body and emotional memory erodes you of your own life force. It’s depleting and in chronic cases debilitating.The icky feeling in mingling with a person that thrives on abuse defines itself. The feeling tells you that this person-as they are-is not good for you. You know you are diminished in connection with this person, and your inner being seeks to heal.Choices in an Abusive RelationshipWhen people are enmeshed in these relationships, they strive to correct the endless circumstances as though they are making it better. The abused assumes responsibility for the battering person’s negativity, and in so doing enables the abuse dynamic in and of itself.This never works to heal; it only serves to sicken both the batterer and the abused. Whether partner, parent, adult child, co-worker or alleged friend, the battering experience in the relationship serves to strengthen the power and control dynamics and weaken the abused.What are your choices when you find yourself in one of these abusive relationships? The most responsible move for you is to draw the line in the sand and establish a “no abuse” policy. The message given in this declaration is that the abusive person must change or expect the relationship to be over.The Courage to HealThe courage to heal is the key to taking this stand. The desire to be the wholeness that you are outside of the abusive relationship is the inspiration for change. As you can see, the real power held in abusive relationships rests with the abused. Through their declaration, individual and/or relationship healing and positive change can evolve.The survivor’s “no abuse” avowal is often the inspiration for the batterer seeking change. In working with people in abusive relationships over the last fifteen years, I am keenly aware of the fact that this is the single most significant “change driver.” It ignites the personal desire for things to be different. It inspires change from within.If you are in a relationship in which you identify the icky feeling described here, assume the power vested in you and make your personal declaration. As soon as you do, you will be opening the door for peace and well-being within and around you.

Fast Facts About Consumer Credit Counseling

Consumer credit counseling companies come in different variations. Some are non-profit, some charge small fees. No consumer credit counseling company should charge excessive fees or take a large amount out of payments that you make. There are some unethical companies out there that will do this, so it’s a good idea to check for reliable agencies.The AICCCA (Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies) is one organization that can assist you in finding a reliable choice. There are also christian faith-based consumer credit counseling companies that appeal to some people who are looking for spiritual advice as well.If you know someone who’s used a consumer credit counseling company you can ask them who they used. You should also refer to the Better Business Bureau and even after making a decision closely review the monthly statements you should be receiving from your counseling company.The purpose of these services is to not only manage and negotiate your debt, but provide you with a new strategy for how to use your credit in the future. This is important to make sure you won’t have the same issues later down the road.You should be willing to learn a new budget and change your spending habits, as the process generally takes years and your having needed help to deal with your credit will show in your credit report to future lenders. That being said it can be very beneficial to learn a new financial plan based off of your income and expenses.A credit advisor is an expert that will work individually with you, and will keep your personal information between you. Sometimes consumer credit counselling may also involve a class you can attend on spending habits or a pamphlet with information that can help.One way your debt may be managed is with what is called a DMP (Debt Management Plan.) It’s important to keep in mind that the FTC warns about any institution that offers this as your only option. With a DMP, your credit counselor will negotiate with your creditors to waive fees and lower your interest rate. By doing this they can lower your monthly payments, allowing you to repay your debt in full over some time.While you are paying off your debt you will have to agree not to take out more. Usually a DMP involves sending payments directly to the institution providing your consumer credit counseling. These payments will then be sent to your creditors one by one. When this occurs you should review your statements for accuracy.There are also other things that are offered during good consumer credit counseling. You may be presented with a plan for debt restructuring. You might also be spoken to about debt settlement, where a lump sum payment is made.Alternatively in consumer credit counseling you may be suggested debt consolidation. In any case you should be sincere in wanting to solve your debt issue and involved in the details of your agreement when made. With a little attention to detail and a serious ambition to get back on track, you can restore your credit.

Stated Non Conforming Commercial Real Estate Mortgage

Conventional Conforming Commercial MortgagesAll borrowers want the best rates and lowest cost to finance their commercial mortgage property. Yet most borrowers do not qualify. With a Stated Non Conforming Commercial Mortgage many borrowers who otherwise could not qualify for financing are now able to.Conventional loans require tax returns for the past two to three years to verify income and expenses. They require bank statements for the last two to three months to source and season down payment and reserves. Conventional loans generally require higher credit scores and years of experience owning and managing similar commercial property types. And Conventional financing takes much longer to close.Stated Non Conforming Commercial MortgagesFor more lenient underwriting and quicker closing you may want to choose a Stated Commercial Mortgage. Though the rate may be higher many commercial real estate investors and small business owners will do better with this type of financing for many reasons.First the lender generally does not require tax returns. This helps the borrower to truly qualify based on the income generated by the property. If it is a good investment and the property can service the debt and meet the minimum debt service coverage ratios the loan qualifies.The Stated program does not require funds to be seasoned. They only require funds to be sourced. For conventional financing the funds must be seasoned for two to three months or longer. This requirement also helps many borrowers to qualify for the Non Conforming program.Many Conventional lenders require a 680 FICO score. Some even require 700 or higher. Not only do they require the high FICO they also require years of experience owning or managing a similar property type. For an agency loan (FNMA, FHLMC, FHA, etc.) You must have if you want to purchase and finance a 12 unit property having owned only 1-4 unit properties would not help you to qualify. They may require you to pay for an experienced property manager to get their loan.The average conventional commercial loans take 60 days to close. This is even longer for agency loans that can take 90 days or longer to fund. Yet, with the Stated Income program the loan closes in 2 to 4 weeks.But maybe the most important reason to do a stated non conforming commercial mortgage is because they may be too small. Many conventional lenders will not finance loans under $500,000 or maybe even $250,000. The agency lenders require their loans to be at least $1,000,000 to $2,000,000. The minimum loan for the Stated Income program is $50,000.There are many reasons to choose the Stated Non Conforming Commercial Real Estate Financing program. None of those reasons are because they offer better rates or terms than a conforming loan. Therefore, check with your conforming lender before choosing this program. If you work with a mortgage broker, they should know right off if you would qualify for the conforming program.

Happiness Isn’t a Blessing, It’s a Choice

If we count our blessings, happiness is definitely in there. But, many things are considered a blessing. Like fame and good fortune, as well as a happy family. Blessings are good things in our lives. Things that make us feel good about life. But as much as happiness makes us feel good, it is a choice we make.You can take two people, put them in the same situation and one will be happy with where they are or what happens. Yet the other will be sad or concerned that things may not turn out well. A lot of which is based on personal experience. The choices each will make or the results one expects whenever they find themselves in a tough situation.We cannot rule out genetics either. The way we look at things is ingrained into our genetic make up. Although we can learn to compensate for our genetic responses we are likely to have to work at it for most of our lives. Unfortunately, having happy parents does not insure that you will have a happy disposition. Because it can be passed on invisibly, your parents parents can be responsible for your disposition.As I said, you can learn to compensate for habits or behaviours that interfere with your happiness. Sometimes it takes an outsider to help you see those areas in your life where your thinking may be flawed. This is why there are life coaches and counsellors. They are trained to help you learn where you can improve your life and compensate for things that may be keeping your from being truly happy. So as much as our character affects our ability to be happy. In many ways happiness is a choice.We need to remember that truly successful people tend to be happy. Happy with their lives, the choices they make, and themselves. For some of them it comes naturally. For others it is the result of a lot of work. In either case, in many cases, happiness is a choice. A choice they make because they know that being happy allows them to make better decisions. Those decisions means happier results and more success.So is happiness a blessing. For many people it is, because they find it hard to be happy. For others it is not, because they find it easier to be happy. But in either case happiness is generally a choice. Because happiness is a relative idea. For a person with nothing one thousand dollars can mean happiness. For a millionaire one thousand dollars, not so much.But another person with nothing could look at that same thousand dollars and become upset because now they have to decide what to spend it on. Or whether to spend it at all. After all if they spend it they won’t have one thousand dollars anymore. Then they will be back to having nothing. Then they will never get another thousand because of how they wasted this thousand dollars.They have made a choice to worry about having one thousand dollars instead of being happy that they have it. Worry was their choice, it could have been happiness, or excitement. Each is a choice that could be made. Mostly based on their genetic makeup. But they can learn to focus on happiness regardless of what their natural reaction would be.So learn to make happiness your choice. If you find that difficult, you may want to consider getting the help of a coach or counsellor to get your life on track and focused on success and happiness.